The Butterfly Path

The constant pressure to “do” rather than “be” keeps the body in a heightened state of fight-or-flight, slowing down healing rather than accelerating it.

In a world obsessed with productivity, we have turned every aspect of life into a measure of output. Work, relationships, hobbies—even our health—are all seen through the lens of optimization. More steps, more supplements, more discipline. The pursuit of self-improvement has seeped into wellness, transforming something that should be about balance and care into yet another task to master.

Nowhere is this clearer than when we get sick. Resting when sick now feels like a failure, a missed opportunity to “hack” our way back to health faster. We turn to green juices, infrared saunas, fasting, and rigorous supplement stacks instead of the one thing our bodies actually need: deep, unstructured, unapologetic rest. This is certainly how I approached it when I received my cancer diagnosis. Instead of surrendering to rest I launched into a punishing, fear driven routine of “healing hacks”—a meticulous regimen of elimination diets, immune-boosting supplements, and biohacking protocols. The irony? This relentless approach to wellness created the very stress that likely underpinned my illness in the first place.

The Culture of More

From an early age, like many people, I learnt that success is about doing more and when it felt like my life depended on it, there was no limit to what I was willing to do to increase my odds of survial. Once I was aware that I had cancer I launched into doing my own research. I wanted to know where I could take responsibility and have some influence over the trajectory and outcome of this disease.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this approach, in fact, the research suggests that patients who take responsibility for their own health are more likely to have better outcomes, and I firmly believe that it’s absolutely the right thing to do. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting to improve your own health more naturally. Modern mecidine is amazing and we’re so fortunate to have it available to us, but taking a holistic, natural approach, which deals with the root cause and not just the symptoms, is essential to long term health.

The problem, however, was that once I started to research wellness, particularly in relation to cancer I found I had opened a pandora’s box. In addition to diet, supplements and exercise, the list of wellness hacks that can reduce the risk of cancer, is extensive, everything from infrared light, saunas, cold exposure, fasting, detoxing, gut cleansing, methalyne blue, rebounding, intravenous vitamin C, breathwork, meditation, hyperbaric oxygen chambers and being in nature and grounding. The more I discovered, the more I wanted to do, until it became completely overwhelming and debilitating.

The Stress of Trying to Heal

Like most people, I don’t have endless financial resources, and wellness can be expensive. It was starting to put pressure on our finances which in turn created stress. Knowing that something such as twice weekly intravenous vitamin C, could make a difference to my health and prognosis, but not being able to afford the £300 – £500 a session price tag is extremely stressful. It can feel like there’s a solution to your ill-health but that it’s just out of reach.

In addition, the things I could afford to be doing were starting to take over my life to the point where I didn’t want to be away from home. An extremely strict diet, alongside a mountain of supplements and daily protocols, meant that being away from home and not being able to follow my usual routine caused me extreme anxiety. Even when I was at home, my routine was so extensive that it was impinging on other areas of my life.

Stress—in whatever form, including anxiety about recovery—suppresses the immune system. The constant pressure to “do” rather than “be” keeps the body in a heightened state of fight-or-flight, slowing down healing rather than accelerating it. The pursuit of the perfect diet or the ideal detox had turned into an obsession, and was likely doing me more harm than good.

What I Actually Needed

What I truly needed was simple: rest, warmth, nourishment, and ease. The body knows how to heal when given the right conditions. Instead of forcing recovery through discipline, I needed to create an environment that helped to support my healing.

• Rest without guilt. Not just sleep, but actual rest—lying down, doing nothing, and not feeling the need to justify it.

• Comfort over restriction. Whole, organic foods where possible, that feel good and which nourish my body.

• Softness over structure. Instead of rigid health routines, embracing what feels soothing and natural.

• Slower healing over quick fixes. Trusting that my body will recover at its own pace, without forcing the process.

Redefining Wellness

Being diagnosed with cancer is without doubt the most terrifying experience I’ve ever been through. So it’s understandable that my decisions early on were driven by fear and I have developed a huge amount of self-compassion around this. Why wouldn’t I become obsessive about increasing my chances of survival, I had two young daughers to take care of after all, but I needed to recognise the stress it was causing me and address that. It’s not about reverting back to an old, unhealthy lifestyle but instead finding balance and finding what feels good. Rather than being driven by the anxiety of not doing enough and making fear based choices, I needed to make choices from a place of love and a desire to nurture and nourish my body.

Through therapy, counselling and learning from radical remission survivors, I have identified and addressed areas of stress in my life, In addition to conventional and metabolic treatment, I have engaged with various holistic practitioners and as such have made changes to my lifestyle. I filter my water, eat a largely vegan, whole food diet (organic where possible), I rarely drink alcohol, I take some supplements daily, (but have reduced the overall number), I have an infrared sauna which I do every week, I strength train and walk my dog in nature everyday, I meditate daily and I swim in the sea or have an ice bath whenever I can.

These things are my medicine, they make me happy, reduce my stress and make my body feel good. Maybe your list would be different to mine and that’s ok, as long as it’s nourishing your body and reducing your stress rather than increasing it, then they’re the right choices for you. The point is, we should read the research and we should listen to advice from all kinds of different experts in relation to our health and specific condition, but we then need to carefully curate our own gentle approach to wellness, an approach that works for us and which feels good.

Wellness was never supposed to be another form of productivity. It’s not a competition, a goal to check off or a challenge to complete—it’s about feeling at home in our bodies, listening to what they need, and allowing them to move through illness without interference. In a culture that rewards hustle, the most radical act might be stepping back. Doing less. Letting go. Because true healing isn’t about optimizing—it’s about surrender.